CradLe to the GraVe: My Travels: Istanbul, Turkey

Istanbul ROCKS! It's cheap, fun and you're bound to bump into a few mad Turks! Yes, we saw all the usual sights (Blue Mosque, Ayia Sophia, the Bosphorus etc) so I won't bore you with them as they're self-explanatory really. Istanbul is alive and kicking 24-7 and they really love their guitar rock music, football, tea and kebabs! Speaking of kebabs, we definitely overdosed on them but they were the real deal and not the pikey ones you get on every high street in England. It's a shame that I did not get the chance to sample the seafood as they have the freshest selection of every sea-life you can think of (I lie, I did eat some steamed mussels stuffed with rice and pine nuts which is sold on the street and I died and went to heaven. A mad Turk even fed it to me).

And yes, we did experience the Turkish baths ("Hamam")! I am undecided as to whether or not it's the most natural thing in the world or the most violating. For those expecting a Thailand style massage with "extras" and a "happy ending" (thanks Sathish), forget it. Men and women are strictly segregated. So there I was having to experience a rather violating experience on my own while Matt and Sathish were shuffled off to the men's section (you will need to ask them about their own experiences). I didn't really know what to expect; I brought a one-piece swimsuit with me but upon entering the women's bath, all the women were topless (not my ideal fantasy unfortunately) so I had to can my one-piece swimsuit idea. I figured I would go completely nude so I stripped off, wrapped myself with the sarong provided and trudged off to the hot sauna but came across a big sign saying that women were forbidden from taking a bath bottomless. Dammit. So I went back to the dressing room and put on my knickers, bearing in mind I did not have a spare pair. I told myself I'd worry about it later.

A Turkish bath entails you relaxing as long as you want in the sauna on a big slab of marble in the middle of the room (No time limit! London needs to catch on) and when you're ready, you signal to any one of the "bathers" that you are ready for your bath. And boys, to feed your fantasy, ALL the women were topless, it was wall to wall tits!

After about 15 minutes, I decided I had had enough relaxation time and signalled to one of the bathers who hand gestured for me to lie down face up. She proceeded to dry scrub me with a loofah and Jesus Christ, the amount of dry skin that came off was absolutely disgusting. I then lay face down and she did the same. By the way, this woman spoke no English, but knew enough to tell me that I needed a bikini wax. Thanks. Then she foamed me up and proceeded to bathe me. It felt exhilarating I have to admit, and really relaxing. I can't say the same for the shampooing where she more or less blinded and suffocated me with the suds. After that, you can either go for a massage if you opted for one or just lay some more in the sauna. At that point, I had had more than enough Turkish bathing to last me a lifetime so I buggered back to the changing room, fretting about what I was going to do about not having any knickers. There were hairdryers and I had a brainstorm! I proceeded to dry my knickers with one of the hairdryer for the next half an hour, ignoring the odd looks I was getting from the other women.

So there you have it. Below are a selection of pictures (and no, I have none from the bath) (including a hilarious clip of Matt smoking a shisha pipe) and a complete set can be viewed on My Flickr Photo Album: